The Significance Apparatus

Note:  I found this letter/essay on a faded piece of school notebook paper in an old book that I purchased at a recent used book sale.  There was no signature or byline.  It was very hard to read.  It was practically scribbled. But the first line grabbed me, because I am interested in discoveries. And so I struggled to read it.  I had to rewrite it because it was really hard to decipher.  It looked like it was a huge effort for the person that wrote it.

The Significance Apparatus

In my research I have discovered a new physiological protein receptor that when activated can lead to very addictive postures.  

It is well known that drugs like cocaine simply activate receptors in the brain that already exist for other purposes.  Usually the drug acts just like some other molecule in our body only the drug works "better".  We have switches in our brain that when turned on can cause a myriad of responses.  Some molecules attach to molecular receptors on nerve endings and the thrown switch may be a sense of well-being or even euphoria.  Often times what the drug does is it grabs onto the receptor better than the natural molecule. The drug may bind tighter and not let go like the weaker natural molecule does.  In that way, it works "better."  The result of the drug is a much stronger or prolonged stimulus. It is often so strong that entire brain pathways are altered.  Proteins in the brain can be chemically changed resulting in what we call "addiction".

The receptor I discovered is similar, but it is activated by a touch not by a specific drug. The receptor is near the middle of the back.  When a simple tap activates this receptor the subdermal protein's structure is temporarily altered and it sends a signal to the brain.  It is almost like pushing a button. A feeling of well-being follows. Some have described the experience as a sense of importance or significance.  That is why I call this protein the “significance receptor”. There is also a noticeable reflective response. The person receiving the stimulus almost always stands up straighter.  It is almost impossible for an individual to reach back and pat their own receptor, although some have been seen trying to activate their own receptor.  The "natural" purpose of the receptor is probably to cause a very positive feeling like when a mother wraps her arms around a young child and unwittingly activates the protein receptor.  Most people are not even aware of the actual receptor.  They just think patting someone on the back is a perfectly natural thing to do.  Some say it is just a cultural gesture.

I just happened upon the discovery of this protein by accident.  
So many important scientific advances occur serendipitously.  Usually a scientist is studying something completely unrelated to the important discovery.  

I found the receptor by writing and talking.  

I started writing for my kids.  Believe me, the addiction to the pat did not start there!  I shared some of my writings with my friends.  I also had some successful speaking engagements to small groups. Best I can tell is that is where the addiction began.  I did not know it fully but people activated that protein in the middle of my back after they read what I wrote or listened to me speak.  I think what I wrote or said meant something to them, and they good-naturedly patted my receptor.  

I became a sort of itinerant preacher speaking to larger and larger groups and churches. You may wonder how a preacher could also make an important discovery in physiology.  But you should remember that pastors like John Wesley and Jonathan Edwards were also published scientists in their day.

I spoke to and wrote for people because I wanted them to grow and love God more.  At least I think I did.  But once my significance button was pushed over and over again, my motives changed without me fully realizing it.  

I continued to write articles for Christian Journals and I wrote two books.

Unconsciously, along with the pats, I really enjoyed hearing people say, "significant", "moving", "profound", and the most deadly phrase of all: “Maybe you should start a radio ministry.”

The next step in the addiction process was that I began to expect to hear those words.  If I did not hear them, I experienced disappointment at first and then even deep anger!  The whole motive for writing had changed. Instead of:  Will this edify others?  My motive became:  Will it make a significant contribution? And, Will it be recognized as influential? 

Then it went a step further to: Will it make me significant?  Will others see me as important?

Finally I actually began to seek the praise and adoration of others. But at this time I noticed fewer people responding to my words. And the pats on my significance receptor came from fewer and fewer people.   I was invited to speak less often. I wondered, "What Happened?"  I became edgy and angry, especially when a dear friend offered “constructive criticism.”

So, I had an engineer put in place an apparatus that fits around my shoulders. It works in a way that when ever I take a step or similar motion a lever flips and touches my protein receptor.  I began to get strange looks from people, but I never even thought it had anything to do with my “significance apparatus”.

So lonely…

One day I had a slight seizure.  After going to the neurologist, I was told that I had an advanced form of a rare neck cancer.  I began to slump over.  It affected my motor skills, especially my handwriting and speech. It had also spread to my brain. I found that I could hardly write at all.  What a terror to see my powers, on which I had come rely, fade away. Indeed this little essay, to whomever will someday find it, was extremely hard to write.  It has taken all of my energy and probably shortened my life.  But maybe it will prolong the life of someone who finds it.  No, this knowledge will not cure cancer.  The life I am talking about is The Life.  

Soon blood will stop flowing through my veins.  But that is not The Life.  The Life is what I realize I was writing for in the first place!  But every time I expected to receive that pat on the back, I now see, The Life was pushed farther out of my life.  I must have really died sometime ago.

The Life is Jesus.  As I sought more and more to get that "pat on the back" Jesus was pushed away from me.  He took a step back because He had to stand outside my own self-significance.  And my significance kept growing and growing.  He also probably did not want to get hit by the lever on my significance apparatus! When my importance was deflated I thought my life was over.  I was no longer significant.   I did not realize it at first , but Jesus was able to step closer to me.  Did He give me cancer?  Did He cause me to die?  I will soon be able to ask Him that question face to face.  

But I now realize that my good writing and speaking talents came from Him to begin with. They were meant to pat others’ receptors.  Actually before I got sick I thought I might have discovered another receptor called the encouragement receptor.  But it is too late for me to research and confirm the existence of this receptor.  But, O, how I wish I had discovered this encouragement receptor so long ago.  It is too late, it is too late it is too...

But maybe the finder of this last of my words can continue my research.  If I could only have found that receptor that breathes courage into others, I would have put a metal plate over my significance receptor!  Even now I see my significance apparatus on the chair in the corner of my room.  How painful it was to remove it.  It had almost grown into my skin like a tree grows around a nail.  

Now for the first time I can say I have become nothing.  

Wait, I just felt something. Let me try it again.  

I am nothing!

I see something or someone standing in front of my significance apparatus.  There is a brightness! I cannot see the contraption anymore...Who is that!?

That is where the note ended.  

I felt compelled to transcribe it for others to see.  Maybe we can take it as a strong warning. Maybe we can find that encouragement receptor.

I made some more observations.  The book, in which I found the note, was in an old hymnal.  There was no date on the note but the copyright in the hymnal was from 1965 and it had the location “City of Commerce, CA” stamped on the inside. I presume the note had been in the hymnal a long time since there was a yellowed imprint of the paper left over the top of the hymn “The Old Rugged Cross”. 

My dear children, I must ask you, what is your significance apparatus?