Jesus says that if we are to follow Him we need to
deny ourselves. As someone who
desperately wants to follow Jesus, I want to be able to deny myself. But as my wife, kids, students and close
friends know, I am inclined to put myself first. I am good at thinking about it afterwards,
but I tend to fly off the handle or get first in line before I think
about it. Later I am able to reflect, “Argh, I did it again, I did not deny
myself. Father, please forgive me.” That reflection (repentance) is good, but it
is too often after the fact. I want to
be predisposed to deny myself. I
want self-denial to be my automatic reaction. I want self-denial to be in my
“spiritual muscle memory.” Right now
every fleshly part of me screams out, “Give me what I want!” It is like having
a temporary blindness to what is really good.
This struggle, and the fact that it is
March, draws my mind to one of my favorite subjects:
